Funerals & Food

Food has often played a significant role in funerals and services associated around death. In modern Australia, the choice of food venue and drinks plays a vital role in funeral planning for many. Whilst our more secular society may be gravitating to alternate funeral venues, traditionalist also considers refreshments to be an important part of the funeral ritual.

Many church funerals often concluded with tea and coffee in the church hall following the formal proceedings of the funeral. Often supplied by the church ladies who may have also made all their own cakes and sandwiches. These events we have seen to be an important part of an extended family get-togethers, where family and friend who had not seen each other for many years had the opportunity to reconnect. Many families would alternatively choose to have these events at the family home.

As homes have gotten smaller and our society drifts away from the church, the funeral home had begun to replace the church setting and indeed some funeral homes not only have their own commercial kitchens but supply fully licensed services.

Possibly the biggest change has been in many of the larger cemetery/crematoriums building purpose-built refreshment rooms and commercial kitchens. Southern Metropolitan Cemetry Trust (SMCT), which operates Springvale and Bunurong Cemeteries has possibly the most expansive catering set up. With thousands of meal portions served each day, families are clearly welcoming the concept.

Springvale Botanical Cemetery - Function Rooms
Springvale Botanical Cemetery – Function Rooms

In Melbournes restaurant, cafe-style culture everyone is a critic in this highly competitive food market and SMCT clearly tick all the right boxes in both quality of their offering in both food and facilities. With Asian, Greek, Italian, Sri Lankan, Vegan, Gluten-Free themed options families are able to tailor events to set their requirements. From as little as 20 mourners to 100s in attendance, these rooms are proving very popular.

Outside of the funeral environment, other venues have identified new markets and clients are relating many of these venues are offering an extremely cost-effective alternative to the traditional funeral environments of funeral homes, cemeteries and churches.

From Bowls and Golf clubs to Yacht Clubs, Wineries and gardens, restaurants and function centres, many of these venues now offer funerals (yes with coffin present) and refreshments options. The prestigious Sandringham Yacht Club, located on the edge of Port Phillip Bay has become the venue of choice for those who have a nautical bent or just love the water. With Food and beverage packages to suit, the venue provides the ideal alternative to traditional establishments.

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Sandringham Yacht Club – Funerals By The Bay

Although many of us love to eat food, some cultures incorporate food into the ceremonial aspects of the funeral. Hindu and Buddhist families have food offerings on their alters during the service. After the funerals, some cultures will have light refreshments at the graveside, where highly potent home liquor and food may be offered to guests immediately after which families will return home for a much larger feast.

Yet what does the future hold? With Uber eats a new phenomena, will this be the way forward. Perhaps it is no surprise then that SMCT will shortly be offering to take home food options for families from their kitchens. SMCT says ” We understand that self-care may not always be top of mind for visitors who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one. Our take-home meals have been created to help provide support and care to our community during this time.”

Oh, and don’t forget while you are devouring that gorgeous pie and your next funeral, take time to remember why you are there.

To get information on funeral venues and funeral options contact Robert Nelson Funerals ph (03) 9532 2111

An Hour On The Day…. Hardly!

The funeral was only 20 minutes away from commencing and my new colleague turned to me and asks, “are you nervous because I am”. I turned to her and said, “no,  I’m OK”, I lied.

I met Fred’s  (not his real name) family almost a week before, he was terminally ill and had a young family. Fred was in his last days of life. His family had somewhat come to terms with this and were quietly calm in talking about him. Naturally, at times they would need time to compose themselves as they were coming to grips with the finality of his life.

We spoke about what type of funeral service Fred and his family might like and his preference for burial or cremation. We discussed funeral venues and styles of services. I was beginning to get a picture of what the family wanted to do. There would be quite a lot of family travelling from interstate and some from overseas. We left fairly open the choices and would finalise the details when Fred died. But, given Fred’s long illness, the family were keen to ensure the funeral was held quite quickly.

Fred died two days later.

Robert nelson Funerals
Robert Nelson Funerals

All of a sudden there was a greater sense of urgency by Freds family in organising the funeral. We took Fred,s body into our care and organised all of the appropriate certificates from his attending doctor.  A suitable celebrant was selected that we felt would bond well with his family, Coffins, flowers, service time and date for the funeral were all set. There was to be refreshments and catering including an open bar at the venue. The hourglass was now turned and we were on a fixed time to have everything in place for that “hour on the day”.

Over the next few days, there would be dozens of communications, in person, by phone and email conveying all the necessary information to ensure everything went to plan.

Remember how I started this piece when asked if I was nervous just before the funeral, well, it is about this time when I am the most nervous, knowing we have a great deal to achieve and with a limit on the time to do it. There is a golden rule, Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan and then expect things to go wrong and plan for that too. Everything needs a backup plan, so we can expect the unexpected and deal with it even at the last minute.

Behind the scenes, Freds body needs to be prepared and dressed as the family wants to see him the night before the funeral. The coffin has been ordered and delivered and we now have Freds clothing, preparation will take 1-2hrs by skilled qualified staff. The Government Medical officer had visited our mortuary at 2am the night before to finalise cremation documentation. It’s all go, go , go.

Our in house Audiovisual specialist is busy preparing video tributes for the service and the wake following. with over 125 images and 16 tracks of music for the service and wake, there were many hours of work into the night ahead. the service would also be video recorded, so there was a stack of gear we would also be taking along. This is also unpacked, checked and repacked to go.

Audio Visual
Audio Visual

As we neared the day of the funeral, numbers still had to be finalised for the wake at the venue. What had started out as 60 people had now grown to 125? It’s impossible to guess the actual number of people that will attend, but there is always sufficient food to cover another 50 or more. People don’t generally come for lunch.

By this time our celebrant had met with the family and formed an order for the service now only 48 hours away. She would be in regular contact with them over the following days. The sand in that hourglass was running low.

The family hadn’t yet organised the printed order of service  and there was still a potential that we may have to do it at the last moment. Remember Plan and plan for the unexpected.

The family arrived the night before the funeral to see Fred, they were no doubt very sad but pleased they could say their last goodbyes. They advised the order of service was in hand and all would be ready by tomorrow.

The following morning flowers arrived at 4.30am and we arrived at 6am to get the vehicles prepared for the 2pm service. To my aghast, the flowers weren’t quite right. A quick call to our florist and a pick up from the local wholesaler and we were back on track.

Coffin Flowers
Flowers by Gradiflora

All of the audiovisual had been triple checked the night before, but a laptop was left running and you guessed it was doing a new software install. Now, really! Sure enough, it loaded on time and we were now back on track, but now almost no sand left in our hourglass.

With all the gear packed and the hearse carrying Fred all clean and shiny, it was time to head off to the venue, some two hours before the start of the funeral. There was much to set up. On arrival, gear unloaded, set up, venue staff briefed and one hour left before service time, there is now no time to be nervous, we have planned, tested, planned, tested everything.

There were hundreds turn up to Freds funeral. The family loved everything, as much as you can at a funeral. At the conclusion of the service, family and friends stayed behind to chat and have refreshments. we still had Fred to deliver to the crematorium. I would later return to ensure everything was still going well. At 5pm many of the mourners had now left the venue, yet there were still many interstate friends and relatives. A few quick discussions with the venue team and I had another room within the venue sorted and the wake would continue on for many hours to come.

Springvale Botanical Cemetery - Function Rooms
Springvale Botanical Cemetery – Function Rooms

I arrived home, about 8pm a little tired and with a slight smile, maybe of relief that everything had gone to plan and the family happy with our services.

Was it a hectic week for us, possibly, but what I didn’t tell you is we also dealt with a number of other families at the same time. It matters not to them, that we have other families or clients, everyone is special and everyone deserves to treated like they are the only person we are dealing with.

Next time you see us for that hour on the day, remember our day may have started days ago.

Robert Nelson is a 5th generation Funeral Director. His company Robert Nelson Funerals is based in Moorabbin, Victoria, Australia. He provides Meaningful, Affordable Funerals across Melbourne and the Mornington Peninsula.

 

Funerals By The Bay

“I have lived my whole life near the water, swam surfed, sailed. It’s where I met my wife, we even got married on the beach. The water and the beach mean a great deal to many people and are often very much part of our lives.” Robert Nelson – Managing Director, Robert Nelson Funerals

As larger number of families now seek more meaningful and relevant ways to farewell their loved ones, we have seen an in increase in alternate funeral venues.

Across Melbourne, Funerals are now being held in , parks, gardens, beaches, golf, bowls, and yacht clubs, reception venue, vineyards, restaurants and the list keeps growing. Increasingly larger numbers of venues are finding families, not only want the wake or refreshment services at their location, but also have the entire funeral, to save mourners having to drive to a different locations across the city.

With this in mind Robert Nelson Funerals has introduced “Funerals by the Bay”, Funerals that are held in bayside locations around Port Phillip  Bay. Most locations have sweeping views across the Bay with sand only meters away. Robert Says “typically families that have an association with the water choose the Funerals By The Bay Option”. Whether it be sailing fishing or generally loving the water, these are the types of people that choose these locations for funerals, memorial services or wakes.

_DSC4490-Edit_2800North 2“Funerals By the Bay” by Robert Nelson Funerals at Sandringham Yacht Club provide families with a complete funeral service package, with options that include not only all vital aspects of the funeral service, including, the coffin, cremation fees, certificate fees, funeral director fees, etc, but also venue hire, catering and audio visual all in one complete price option. If its a memorial service (no coffin present) or the wake after the funeral service, Sandringham Yacht Club provides a wonderful choice.

Robert says people are often surprised at how reasonable the costs are to have the services in these locations.

It’s not only members of the club that can have their funeral at the yacht club, but non members are also welcome to have their final send off at this beautiful club too. The club has extensive food and beverage options for the gathering at the conclusion of the funeral service.

Some families also choose to have their loved ones cremated remains scattered at sea and this can be arranged also.

If you have attachments to other bayside areas in Melbourne and the Mornington Peninsula talk to us about Funerals by the Bay at Mornington, Port Melbourne, Brighton, Parkdale, Williamstown, Altona, and St.Kilda

The Irish Wake

The Irish Wake is perhaps one of the best known funeral traditions in the world.

Many countries have now adopted the term “Wake” and although it is widely associated as an Irish tradition each country has its own version and rituals. In Australia the wake usually begins after the funeral whereas as you will discover the Irish wake begins immediately after death.

As with many rituals and traditions the origin of the “Irish Wake” is generally unknown. Often thought to have been heavily influenced by element of ritual paganism, it was very much frowned on by the Church.

One claim thought to be folklore, was that this Irish tradition came about because of lead poisoning in pewter tankards.  With high levels of lead in pewter mugs, many of the drinkers who used them would fall into a ‘cationic state’ resembling death. The sufferer could regain consciousness after many hours or even days, hence the term “three-day Wake.”

But, wherever these rituals and traditions originated many have now been carried on through the passage of time and are practiced in many countries throughout the world.

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Traditionally, the local priest would be called to the family home to give the last rites. The priest would come at all hours of the day or night for prayers and the sprinkle holy water over the body.

Following the death and with the body still in the family home, the house needed to be prepared. A black-edged envelope would be attached to the front door to let neighbours and friends know of the death. A room in the house was set aside for the body and window would be opened to allow the spirit to move out and onto its eternal journey.  Nobody was to block the window, as this would have bought misfortune to whoever has blocked the spirit’s path to eternal life. The mirror would be either covered in a white sheet or a linen cloth or turned to face the wall. This is thought to hide the physical body from the dead body. After about three hours the curtains are drawn and the window shut, so that the spirit does not return.

I had often heard on my travels of the bodies being prepared and sometimes embalmed by the funeral director in the house on a door removed from its hinges, however I cannot confirm the validity of this claim.  Traditionally the body would have been washed with holy water by a women known as a ‘handy woman’.

It is about this time the undertaker was called, usually providing a modest inexpensive coffin. Candles were placed around the coffin, and remained lit until the body is later  moved to the church.

Once the family had completed their prayers in the house, friends would call in to pay their respects and offer their condolences. Then all the merriment would begin. Refreshments including Tea, Sandwiches, cakes, buns, beer and poteen (an illicit Irish distilled beverage made from potatoes) would be offered. it wouldn’t take long before tales would be told about the dead person, and the naughtier (and more alcohol consumed), the more laughter ensued. Music also played an important part in the tradition.

This would go on all that night, and the next day the body would be taken to the church for prayers. No doubt attended by some that had already experienced their own “3 day wake” On the third day after death would be the funeral mass.

Following the catholic funeral mass the funeral party would then follow the coffin out of the church, and it would be placed into the hearse and the family and friends would walk behind to the cemetery for a graveside service.

After the burial, as is so customary now and then, mourners would return to the local pub or family home, where the merriments would continue.

In Ireland today, many of these old traditions have gone as the modern traditional funeral director performs the functions a family once did. So whilst the old tradition and ritual may be disappearing one thing has not and that is the joining of family, friends and relatives in “Celebrating a Life” in a fitting and meaningful way.

In Australia the “Aussie Wake” is alive and well. For many the traditional values and meaning of the church (relative to funerals) is being replaced by new traditions, steeped in the old traditions of the Irish wake, Many families are now choosing to have services or events in places like bowls, golf, football or yacht clubs, where joviality and humour can often form a significant part of the event. Sometime the body is present and sometimes not. Usually the merriment continues long into the night around the bar, where tall stories become just a little bit taller.

Although time has passed and we live continents away from Ireland, many of the old customs have morphed into our “Aussie Wake” and found new meaning and values in Australia life.

The “Wake” is still as relevant as it ever has been.

Robert Nelson is a fifth generation funeral director who has studied and travelled extensively throughout the world. His company Robert Nelson Funerals is based in Melbourne Australia and specialises in meaningful funerals