As funeral directors, we know when someone close to you dies your life can change in many ways. Grieving is our way of adjusting to some of these changes.
Grief is a natural response in our lives. There is no right or wrong way and men and women will grieve in different ways often finding it difficult to understand or support each other. People of different ages and cultures also have different ways of grieving.
Some things you might feel when grieving:
shocked or numb
depressed or lonely
confused and forgetful
frightened and panicky
Many people feel grief in their bodies as well, especially in the first few weeks following a death. You may feel exhausted, cold tense and shaky. You might even find it hard to sleep or feel sick and have trouble eating. These things are common reactions to grief and may require a chat with your local doctor
At Robert Nelson Funerals we recognise people deal with grief in different ways and after loss people will take their own time to deal with that loss. There will be good days and bad days. While there are no hard or fast rules that you must follow there are things that you can do that may help you. That is why Robert Nelson and the Grief Centre provides you with a support person that can assist you at this time, a listening ear perhaps, or information, support or resources that could prove useful.
Bereavement support is a complimentary service offered to families cared for by Robert Nelson Funerals and provided on our behalf by The Grief Centre. One complimentary counselling session is provided for all of our clients.
partnering with Robert Nelson Funerals
For some it seems incongruous that planning ahead may include the planning of a funeral. Most plans we make throughout our life deal with growth and enjoyable, things and the list is endless and variable for each one of us.
As we leave school, it becomes necessary to begin planning for many things, tertiary education, work, buying our first car, housing, marriage, children, work, etc.
In our later years, planning is still necessary; health often plays an important role in this. Retirement and what we are going to do in our retirement, maybe downsizing the family home, downsizing the family car, vacations and so on.
We spend our life building and planning our superannuation for retirement, for many this includes an adjustment to Wills, selection of power of attorneys and executors. For some it will mean moving into retirement style accommodation for others it will lead to aged nursing care.
As people being to get all their affairs in order many will consider pre planning their funeral. It may be as simple as letting family know what their wishes are for others it will involve pre paying and organising their entire funeral.
Discussions can be an uncomfortable time for some families as they begin to face their own mortality and indeed some will not wish to talk about it at all. Robert Nelson, says”it surprising how many families do not know if their parent had a preference for either burial or cremation when they die, it would seem they just never had that discussion”. Still, many elderly organise their funerals to avoid their children having to be burdened with the cost and organisation at the time of their death. This “Peace of Mind” is one of the main driving factors in those Pre Planning their funeral.
So what are the other reasons to pre plan?
Peace of Mind
Tax and Pension Benefits
Although there are various ways in which people choose to manage pre-paid funerals, many funeral directors use and recommend funeral bonds. Australian Friendly Societies, Bendigo Bank Funeral Bond, is capital guaranteed, this ensures that any initial investment and subsequent contributions, plus declared bonuses are guaranteed upon death. Along with ownership options that allow individuals or couples to take out single bonds. There are also flexible payment options to allow individuals to pay off their funeral bond by instalments.
Before a customers signs a pre-paid funeral contract, the funeral director discusses in writing where and how your money is invested, this is normally in the form a disclosure document, that lists all terms and cognitions that apply to your investment. It will list any fees payable.
Once you agree to your fixed price funeral, your funeral director must also issue a pre-paid funeral contract that lists the goods and services to be provided and supplied. It also details the total cost.
When your funeral is pre paid, you will receive a Pre Paid Funeral Contract from your funeral director and the investment bond from Australian Friendly Society.
The Investment is held in your name and assigned to the funeral director only on death. This means that if the funeral director is no longer in business your investment is still secure.
So what if you don’t wish to pre-pay your funeral but still wish to organise it in advance? Many people still pre-arrange their funeral plan and talk to their funeral director and leave their funeral wishes on file with their funeral home.
Finally the best advise is to always keep your family or next of kin advised of what plans you have made.
Should you wish to find out more about planning ahead, please do not hesitate to call us upon Ph. (03) 9532 2111 or visit our web site https://robertnelsonfunerals.com.au/pre-paid
My forebearers were involved in some of the early cremations on the cremation pyres of the Ballarat goldfields in the 1800s. Much has changed in the way we cremate and societies views on it.
Today, cremation accounts for almost 60% of all disposition in Victoria (Births Death Marriages Victoria July 2020 – September 2020). With so many people choosing cremation over burial, How much do we really know what happens behind the scenes?
In Victoria, all crematoriums must be on cemetery land, and all cemeteries are on crown land, so unlike other states and other countries, Victoria does not have private crematoria. In states and countries that do have private cremation, there is a significant difference in fees. In the report commissioned by the Victorian Government “Victorian Cremation Industry Viability” by Marsden Jacob Associates 2004, “the cremation price is a small proportion of the overall cost to the bereaved and is unlikely to affect the burial/cremation decision. The bereaved are generally more concerned with the total package price.” This would seem to contradict what has occurred to fees in a market where private operators exist.
With an increasing number of funeral operators offering low cost , direct or unattended services the cremation cost can account for more than 50% of the overall fees.
So how do these private crematorium function?
In most place throughout the world, the crematorium is located in the rear of the funeral home and operated by the funeral director, Fees can be up to 50% lower than those currently charged by public crematoria.
How do most people see cremation?
People on a regular basis tell me how they have been into the crematorium and witnessed the cremation. While this is possible most mourners will only get as close as the crematorium chapel. Most crematoria in Victoria have chapels and function areas that are separate from the crematorium. Mourners will normally attend the chapel for the service and at the conclusion, the funeral the coffin turn from view or is lowered out of sight. Some cremators are located directly behind the chapels. The coffin is removed from the catafalque (the lowering device) and will await cremation. In other instance, the coffin is loaded into a vehicle and transported a few hundred metres to the crematorium building. the cremation may occur immediately but in some case will occur the following day.
With an increasing number of Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist families in Melbourne, the cultural requirement to witness the cremation has increased and more families are requesting this option. Don’t be surprised, that the crematorium charges a fee for families to witness the cremation of their loved one.
In many countries that our new Australians come from, the service would often be held in front of the cremation chamber. In Melbourne, small numbers of the family either watch the cremation on a video screen in an adjoining room or witness the coffin entering the cremator behind a glass window. The process for families is quick. The coffin is loaded onto a special device that will discharge the coffin into the cremator. The doors of the cremators remain closed until that family is ready. Once settled, the family will indicate to the cremation operator to proceed. The door slides up and the coffin is quickly injected into the cremator. The door is quickly closed. Families will leave after this. The whole process may take less than a minute.
The cremation itself takes 1-2 hours.
Ashes or cremated remains
The terms ashes tend to infer the cremated remains are like cinder, very light and like powder, however, most people are surprised when the cremated remains are returned. Ashes are skeletal remains and the average cremated remains urn will weigh approximately 3kg. Typically remains will be ready for collection within 48 hours after cremation.
Is the coffin cremated or reused?
Absolutely not. The coffin as you see it is not opened once entered the crematorium building.
Do I need to use a coffin at all for cremation?
While some crematorium now accepts non-coffin cremation the deceased still needs to enter the crematorium in a sealed container and be on a solid base. The body is usually wrapped in a cotton shrouds similar to the way Muslims would bury their loved ones and secured to a plantation pine cremation bearer. Some feel this is a good environmental option.
What can I place in the coffin?
Unlike burial, there are restrictions what you can place in a coffin for cremation. Batteries are definitely not to be included (due to the possibility of explosions) and the funeral director will sign a declaration that any pacemakers have been removed. Excessive plastics should be avoided and bottles are now on the band list due to effect they can have on cremated remains. Bodies can be dressed as normal.
Can I use a cardboard coffin?
Yes, there is special cardboard coffins known as Bio board.
No, many people are choosing to have a direct or unattended cremation. The body and coffin are taken directly to the crematorium without anyone attending. Many families choose to have some other celebration of life event, from a very private personal scattering of cremated remains in meaningful locations with a few people, to large elaborate and often noisy lunches. There are no rights and wrongs when it comes to celebrating a life, just relevant and meaningful events. So the choices are all yours to make
Can we seperate cremated remains for different members of our family?
Yes, just ask your funeral director and he will arrange this for you.
Cremation Urns, Jewellery, Scattering tubes
There is a large range of options open to families to choose from in deciding with what to do with cremated remains. There are literally thousands of different types of cremation urns, made from every conceivable material. From mass produced urns to individual handcrafted works of art, environmental and bio degradable urns are also available. Cremation jewellery varies from small metal pendants that can be place on a necklace to Diamonds made from cremated remains and Italian glass infused with remains all made into beautiful jewellery.
Robert Nelson is a 5th generation funeral director and is Managing Director of Robert Nelson Funerals, based in Moorabbin, Victoria, Australia. Should you have any questions about cremation please do not hesitate to contact me. (03) 9532 2111,
Are you the glass half full type of person or the glass half empty? I guess at times we are both.
Recently I was pre-arranging a funeral for a client, her elderly mother in the final stages of life and sadly like many with dementia. She hadn’t seen her mother or held or hand for many months, COVID restrictions saw to that. On the surface, it just appeared to be a very sad situation.
As we began to talk and I started to learn a little about her mum, my client described how her mother had always been full of fun and laughter and these are the memories she would carry with her, not the sad ones.
She told me a story of when her mother in her 70s and wheelchair-bound, but still full of life had an appointment with her neurologist. The prognosis wasn’t good and the specialist explained to her mum the ramifications of her diseases. She sat quietly in her chair as he explained as well as he could what to expect. After he had finished talking she sat silently for a few minutes. Concerned, the doctor walked over to her chair and knelt in front of her. Her eyes suddenly lit up, as if a light bulb had just been switched on as she casually queried the doctor, “would sex therapy help?” Startled but as quick-witted as her, the doctor fired back “well, do you have someone in mind?” with that twinkle still in her eye she replied, “do you have a younger brother?” Needless to say, the room erupted in laughter.
It got me to thinking, even at the worst of times, it is the way in which we choose to deal with a situation which will dictate the manner in which we move forward.
COVID restriction has unquestionably thrown great hardship on many people. For me, I have been amazed at the manner in which families have accepted and dealt with loss during this time.
So maybe next time you are faced with what seems an insurmountable challenge in life, remembering the story of my elderly client might just bring a smile to your face and maybe assist you in looking at your situation in another way,
When choosing where to have a funeral your choices have now grown.
Restaurants, bars, reception centres, wineries, gardens, sports clubs, private homes the choices are now only limited by your imagination.
Funerals have always traditionally been held in churches however as society becomes more secular it would appear that many are putting great thought into the meaning and relevance of the funeral and naturally where it should be held. Since the 1960s funeral homes had become an alternative to the church and whilst many families still opted for misters or priests, the funeral didn’t seem to have the church like feel that the traditional church service did. At the same time, many churches would not allow the coffin to be opened within the church in order for families to say their last goodbyes, The funeral home provided greater flexibility.
From the 1980-s funeral homes began to offer simple refreshment services, typically tea, coffee sandwiches etc, the type of food you may have received in a church hall. Indeed some funeral homes around Australia began to offer licencing options. This was seen as quite a provocative move and created much discussion, but move forward a few decades and licensed venues are now almost seen as a prerequisite for many mourners.
The 90s began to see technology take hold. Where once music options may have been an organist or piano and hymns, more contemporary music options were becoming more common. Filming and live streaming of funerals was now available and starting to appear in many funeral homes. Simple framed pictures were now being replaced by full-blown audiovisual productions.
Technology has provided many additional opportunities for families, but the rate of technological change has been a double-edged sword. The cost of maintaining the latest equipment has been burdensome and expensive for many funeral homes, who were not geared for this.
Enter the function venues, facilities which were often idle, not having any daytime or weekday events, many of which have relished at the opportunity of doing either funerals, memorial services or wakes. The coffin once seen as almost taboo to have anywhere else other than a church or funeral home is now often accepted into these venues without any concern. Perhaps this reflects the changing way in which the community now sees funeral service and greater comfort when services are held in places with more meaning and relevance to mourners.
Most Melbourne Crematoriums have now undergone significant refurbishment, installing state of the art audiovisual equipment, refreshment lounges and large commercial kitchens and executive chefs, sourced from some of the countries finest catering companies. One large cemetery trust is serving approximately 3000 meal portions a day to mourners. Indeed some of the cemeteries now provide functions to those outside of the funeral circle, including weddings, corporate events etc.
Although there has been a significant increase in alternate funeral venue locations, the church still holds a pivotal focus for many families. The key to the selection of a funeral venue is relevance and meaning and without consideration of these two factors, the funeral can sometimes seem hollow to some.
Finally, there are those that do not wish to celebrate or commemorate in a formal way and the rise of unattended or direct cremation is increasing at a rapid rate. we have all heard someone say, “don’t fuss over me, just bury me in a cardboard box”. For many, this has now become a reality. However, burial is not normally the chosen form of disposition in Melbourne, cremation is.
So why are families choosing unattended cremation services? For some, it is cost as it is the lowest cost option available, but for most, it is the simplest and least complicated types of services. Many families still have some type of service or event after the cremation and the can diverse, from large memorial services to small intimate lunches.
So in planning your funeral event location here are some key guides:
Ensure you use a funeral professional with the skill and ear to listen to what you want from the day.
Choose services and locations that are relevant to you and your family.
Services can be held at any time, day, evening weekends, so choose a time that is relevant
Don’t choose services based on what you think you must have or have had before.
Keep in mind the number of mourners likely to attend
Robert Nelson is a fifth-generation funeral director and founder of Robert Nelson Funerals. Based in Moorabbin they service all Melbourne Areas, including Mornington and Bellarine Peninsulas.
Who is your funeral director? Where do they come from? What is their expertise? What does the future hold for the industry and people who work in it?
In previous blogs, I have written about my experience and what led me into the funeral industry. In this blog, I look at some of the changes in the industry in recent decades, giving you insight into who your funeral director might be and how they got into the industry.
There wouldn’t be a day go by someone tells me I’m working in a “bulletproof” industry. They think that because everyone dies, there will always be work for me. It’s not surprising that other people want to be part of what they too believe is a ‘future proof” industry. So, as the industry draws in new people, questions arise as to who these people are, their qualifications and what they contribute to the industry as it changes over time?
The funeral industry has undergone a significant change in my lifetime. I grew up in a time when some funeral directors still manufactured coffins and caskets rather than purchased them from large manufacturers. Many staff came to the industry from the factory floors. Funerals were typically religious. The most significant difference between funerals was whether they were catholic or protestant. Burials were the main form of disposition.
In the 1960s and 70s, with immigration beginning to shift from European countries to also include new arrivals from Asia, we began to see new religions appear. This diversity meant changes particularly in terms of ethnic customs and traditions. Funeral homes had to adapt quickly and most did so quite well.
At this time, few of our new Australians had the desire or will to work within the funeral industry. Over the following few decades, not much changed. Sure there are more new arrivals from a wider range of countries having different traditions and cultures to those we had become accustomed to. This has meant funeral staff have had to acquire a better understanding of the needs of our changing Australian industry and above all else, flexibility.
The funeral industry was changing behind the scenes. Larger family businesses were absorbing traditional family-owned business. The centralisation of mortuaries and garaging enabled significant cost efficiencies. Many smaller family-owned business did not have family members wanting to carry on in the family business. Something not unique to other industries, but with 24 hour 7 day a week commitment, the funeral industry does not have the appeal of many others.
For those starting a career in the funeral industry, there was a hierarchal ascent. Similar to an apprenticeship but without the formality. Staff would begin as a hearse driver working alongside the most experienced member of the team, the conductor. Typically, conductors have years of experience and have undergone a similar “apprenticeship”. Previously, there were very few women in these roles. Indeed there were few women in funeral service altogether.
After a few years working alongside a conductor, the hearse driver would progress to the coach driver, the third person in a funeral crew. The coach driver has the job of collecting and looking after the family on the day of the funeral. The coach driver would then become a conductor, and the cycle would begin again.
Funeral staff would be involved in the delivery of a diverse range of funerals, rosaries, viewing, and other services such as transfers of deceased or body collection from Nursing homes, hospitals or coroners, etc. All staff were required to be on rotational 24/7 after-hours standby for night work. When not doing funerals, staff were involved in coffin preparation, placing handles and writing names plates on coffins and sometimes lining them, there is always cleaning to be performed.
Vehicles are the funeral directors’ mobile shop front, and most companies spent a lot of time ensuring there showpieces were kept immaculate.
Companies varied as to how these processes worked. Some would insist that all conductors were also funeral arrangers while others found that some staff were better at funeral delivery than others.
The mortuary has always been a field on its own. Many funeral staff had no desire or will to work within the mortuary. Larger funeral homes typically had qualified mortuary personnel called embalmers. Smaller companies often had no qualified staff in the mortuary, and they may have had general funeral staff performing necessary mortuary procedures. Some of the larger funeral homes were big supporters of mortuary training and our family business at times had up to 12 or more qualified embalmers on staff. The training and encouragement to train staff has often been attributed to the principals or owners of the business. Those owners that had worked in mortuaries were more likely to encourage training than those that didn’t.
The early embalmers in Australia had either learnt overseas or were part of the early learning with the British Institute of Embalmers. Some funeral homes paid for embalming courses and tuition for their staff. Sadly today this is often not the case, and students are typically required to pay out the hefty course fees on their own. Television shows such as CSI have probably attributed the large numbers of young women now working within our mortuaries.
The 1980s saw the introduction of the large foreign-owned companies become part of the Australian funeral industry, purchasing the larger family-owned groups. As a result, many companies that had often worked and helped each other out from time to time came to see themselves as competitors. The mutual assistance of the past died overnight. Corporatisation had arrived and quickly permeated the market changing the culture of funeral service forever. The traditional family names of the business often remained but the founding principles of many of these business didn’t. The funeral industry, like many others, had moved into a financially driven market.
In the past, the staff knew their employers as well as they knew their own families. Instead, with corporatisation, staff would either change industries or change allegiances based on money. For some, this also appeared to be a lucrative time to enter the industry. Subsequently, we have seen a proliferation of small independent funeral operators enter the market. Some have a laptop, and that’s it.
It is now possible to get trade services in mortuaries, deceased transfers, hire hearse and staff. While there are some excellent trade services around, there are also horror stories of sub-standard quality as the market is increasingly driven by price.
An industry that had once moved to the introduction of nationwide infection control standards often now seems more concerned with the length of time that training might take rather than the benefits these skills may bring. Subsequently, few workers within the industry have ever undertaken any form of training in industry-based occupational health and safety.
Many traditional operators have made calls for industry regulation and or licensing. This is not new, yet there never seems to be any consensus as to what needs to be regulated or how. Often these calls are based on minimum equipment and vehicle standards. It is difficult to find any evidence around the world that in the absence of any of these standards, any risk to public health exists. Often these calls are based on creating barriers to entry to increase start-up costs.
Some say their unscrupulous operators out there. No doubt there is. Yet, in highly regulated professions these unscrupulous operators still exits. So regulation won’t stamp them out.
So who is your funeral director?
Funeral operators are calling themselves many things these days, the latest is a funeral event organiser. Indeed a person may call themselves a funeral director but never handle a deceased. Some of these people may have spent years or even decades in the industry but never had to dress or prepare a deceased. Many of us have heard of instances, where new consultants are given a case and told to see a grieving family on their first day of employment, no experience, no training and no knowledge.
A funeral is made of a broad range of services. Foremost the funeral director is engaged for the disposition of the deceased. For some funeral organisers, this is seen as a minor aspect of their services! Whilst there are many new services, such as catering, printed materials, audiovisual now on offer, we should not lose sight of the reasons a family would engage a funeral director in the first place.
So maybe its time to recognise funeral directors who are skilled qualified and experienced in all aspects of the funeral industry. Not all funeral directors are the same. Many have spent their life perfecting their skills and craft.
Maybe its time to recognise the “Master Undertaker” for their services.
So when you engage a funeral service next time, maybe you should ask a few questions?
Robert Nelson is a fifth-generation Funeral Director and Managing Director of Robert Nelson Funerals based in Melbourne, Australia, he is a member of the British Institute of Embalmers and has studied and worked in funeral service in both Australia and overseas.
Food has often played a significant role in funerals and services associated around death. In modern Australia, the choice of food venue and drinks plays a vital role in funeral planning for many. Whilst our more secular society may be gravitating to alternate funeral venues, traditionalist also considers refreshments to be an important part of the funeral ritual.
Many church funerals often concluded with tea and coffee in the church hall following the formal proceedings of the funeral. Often supplied by the church ladies who may have also made all their own cakes and sandwiches. These events we have seen to be an important part of an extended family get-togethers, where family and friend who had not seen each other for many years had the opportunity to reconnect. Many families would alternatively choose to have these events at the family home.
As homes have gotten smaller and our society drifts away from the church, the funeral home had begun to replace the church setting and indeed some funeral homes not only have their own commercial kitchens but supply fully licensed services.
Possibly the biggest change has been in many of the larger cemetery/crematoriums building purpose-built refreshment rooms and commercial kitchens. Southern Metropolitan Cemetry Trust (SMCT), which operates Springvale and Bunurong Cemeteries has possibly the most expansive catering set up. With thousands of meal portions served each day, families are clearly welcoming the concept.
In Melbournes restaurant, cafe-style culture everyone is a critic in this highly competitive food market and SMCT clearly tick all the right boxes in both quality of their offering in both food and facilities. With Asian, Greek, Italian, Sri Lankan, Vegan, Gluten-Free themed options families are able to tailor events to set their requirements. From as little as 20 mourners to 100s in attendance, these rooms are proving very popular.
Outside of the funeral environment, other venues have identified new markets and clients are relating many of these venues are offering an extremely cost-effective alternative to the traditional funeral environments of funeral homes, cemeteries and churches.
From Bowls and Golf clubs to Yacht Clubs, Wineries and gardens, restaurants and function centres, many of these venues now offer funerals (yes with coffin present) and refreshments options. The prestigious Sandringham Yacht Club, located on the edge of Port Phillip Bay has become the venue of choice for those who have a nautical bent or just love the water. With Food and beverage packages to suit, the venue provides the ideal alternative to traditional establishments.
Although many of us love to eat food, some cultures incorporate food into the ceremonial aspects of the funeral. Hindu and Buddhist families have food offerings on their alters during the service. After the funerals, some cultures will have light refreshments at the graveside, where highly potent home liquor and food may be offered to guests immediately after which families will return home for a much larger feast.
Yet what does the future hold? With Uber eats a new phenomena, will this be the way forward. Perhaps it is no surprise then that SMCT will shortly be offering to take home food options for families from their kitchens. SMCT says ” We understand that self-care may not always be top of mind for visitors who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one. Our take-home meals have been created to help provide support and care to our community during this time.”
Oh, and don’t forget while you are devouring that gorgeous pie and your next funeral, take time to remember why you are there.
To get information on funeral venues and funeral options contact Robert Nelson Funerals ph (03) 9532 2111
The funeral was only 20 minutes away from commencing and my new colleague turned to me and asks, “are you nervous because I am”. I turned to her and said, “no, I’m OK”, I lied.
I met Fred’s (not his real name) family almost a week before, he was terminally ill and had a young family. Fred was in his last days of life. His family had somewhat come to terms with this and were quietly calm in talking about him. Naturally, at times they would need time to compose themselves as they were coming to grips with the finality of his life.
We spoke about what type of funeral service Fred and his family might like and his preference for burial or cremation. We discussed funeral venues and styles of services. I was beginning to get a picture of what the family wanted to do. There would be quite a lot of family travelling from interstate and some from overseas. We left fairly open the choices and would finalise the details when Fred died. But, given Fred’s long illness, the family were keen to ensure the funeral was held quite quickly.
Fred died two days later.
All of a sudden there was a greater sense of urgency by Freds family in organising the funeral. We took Fred,s body into our care and organised all of the appropriate certificates from his attending doctor. A suitable celebrant was selected that we felt would bond well with his family, Coffins, flowers, service time and date for the funeral were all set. There was to be refreshments and catering including an open bar at the venue. The hourglass was now turned and we were on a fixed time to have everything in place for that “hour on the day”.
Over the next few days, there would be dozens of communications, in person, by phone and email conveying all the necessary information to ensure everything went to plan.
Remember how I started this piece when asked if I was nervous just before the funeral, well, it is about this time when I am the most nervous, knowing we have a great deal to achieve and with a limit on the time to do it. There is a golden rule, Plan, Plan, Plan, Plan and then expect things to go wrong and plan for that too. Everything needs a backup plan, so we can expect the unexpected and deal with it even at the last minute.
Behind the scenes, Freds body needs to be prepared and dressed as the family wants to see him the night before the funeral. The coffin has been ordered and delivered and we now have Freds clothing, preparation will take 1-2hrs by skilled qualified staff. The Government Medical officer had visited our mortuary at 2am the night before to finalise cremation documentation. It’s all go, go , go.
Our in house Audiovisual specialist is busy preparing video tributes for the service and the wake following. with over 125 images and 16 tracks of music for the service and wake, there were many hours of work into the night ahead. the service would also be video recorded, so there was a stack of gear we would also be taking along. This is also unpacked, checked and repacked to go.
As we neared the day of the funeral, numbers still had to be finalised for the wake at the venue. What had started out as 60 people had now grown to 125? It’s impossible to guess the actual number of people that will attend, but there is always sufficient food to cover another 50 or more. People don’t generally come for lunch.
By this time our celebrant had met with the family and formed an order for the service now only 48 hours away. She would be in regular contact with them over the following days. The sand in that hourglass was running low.
The family hadn’t yet organised the printed order of service and there was still a potential that we may have to do it at the last moment. Remember Plan and plan for the unexpected.
The family arrived the night before the funeral to see Fred, they were no doubt very sad but pleased they could say their last goodbyes. They advised the order of service was in hand and all would be ready by tomorrow.
The following morning flowers arrived at 4.30am and we arrived at 6am to get the vehicles prepared for the 2pm service. To my aghast, the flowers weren’t quite right. A quick call to our florist and a pick up from the local wholesaler and we were back on track.
All of the audiovisual had been triple checked the night before, but a laptop was left running and you guessed it was doing a new software install. Now, really! Sure enough, it loaded on time and we were now back on track, but now almost no sand left in our hourglass.
With all the gear packed and the hearse carrying Fred all clean and shiny, it was time to head off to the venue, some two hours before the start of the funeral. There was much to set up. On arrival, gear unloaded, set up, venue staff briefed and one hour left before service time, there is now no time to be nervous, we have planned, tested, planned, tested everything.
There were hundreds turn up to Freds funeral. The family loved everything, as much as you can at a funeral. At the conclusion of the service, family and friends stayed behind to chat and have refreshments. we still had Fred to deliver to the crematorium. I would later return to ensure everything was still going well. At 5pm many of the mourners had now left the venue, yet there were still many interstate friends and relatives. A few quick discussions with the venue team and I had another room within the venue sorted and the wake would continue on for many hours to come.
I arrived home, about 8pm a little tired and with a slight smile, maybe of relief that everything had gone to plan and the family happy with our services.
Was it a hectic week for us, possibly, but what I didn’t tell you is we also dealt with a number of other families at the same time. It matters not to them, that we have other families or clients, everyone is special and everyone deserves to treated like they are the only person we are dealing with.
Next time you see us for that hour on the day, remember our day may have started days ago.
Robert Nelson is a 5th generation Funeral Director. His company Robert Nelson Funerals is based in Moorabbin, Victoria, Australia. He provides Meaningful, Affordable Funerals across Melbourne and the Mornington Peninsula.
Last month I wrote about environmental options within the funeral service. This week I came across possibly one of the most sensible environmental options available and its been right in front of us all the time!
Coffin manufacturing has changed a great deal over the past century, I remember my grandfather making coffins from solid timber and without modern manufacturing techniques had to use hot water in order to bend the shoulders into coffins. Paper laminates, custom and particle board just didn’t exist. Polishing or finishing was applied often by hand, using traditional french polishing techniques.
In today’s coffin manufacturing environment, high tech is the way to go, with computerised cutting machines and a variety of timber variants available. Yet , whilst the manufacturing techniques may have changed, there is still waste from offcuts and damaged timbers or veneers that typically end up in a landfill.
Innovative family-owned Melbourne coffin manufacturer RH Minter has decided to do something about it. They are repurposing what was once waste into environmental low-cost affordable coffins. While these unpolished rectangular coffins, sometimes have different panels and are possible not for every family (in regard to traditional looks) they definitely lead the way in environmental repurposing.
Managing Director of Robert Nelson Funerals, says “families now have a real alternative when considering environmental options and even better it locals that are doing it.”
“Compared to cardboard, that has to be manufactured, (often overseas) these timber offcuts are already in the local factory and would be shipped out for landfill if not reused.”
Robert Nelson Funerals are pleased to offer these environmental repurposed coffins as part of our standard range.
Call Robert Nelson Funerals for further information. Ph (03) 9532 2111
As with nearly everything these days, people across the world are becoming environmentally aware. Funerals are no different. With the increasing number of funeral homes that are now offering environmental options we thought it was a good idea to look more closely as to what environmental options are available and take a closer look at just how environmental they might actually be and let you make your own mind up.
Burial v Cremation
Cremation into the future
Throughout the world there has been increased interest about Alkaline Hydrolysis, a safe and eco friendly alternative to flame cremation or burial. Alkaline Hydrolysis uses water instead of fire. With claims of 90% less energy used than flame cremation and 0% emissions of harmful greenhouse gases. On the surface, this process looks like it could be a great environmental alternative to conventional cremation. Yet, with Alkaline Hydrolysis taking approximately two days, against flame cremation taking only a few hours, there may still be some way to go in this area before its taken up as a total viable alternative.
Cremation is the preferred option in Victoria where more people in suburban areas choose cremation as distinct from burial. It should be noted that burial in Victoria is for perpetuity, meaning that the burial has no ending and the grave will be there forever. (in other states and countries throughout the world, burial is limited in tenure, where graves will be reused). Regular maintenance is required for each grave including lawn graves. With over 560 cemeteries in Victoria alone (National Competition Policy review of The Cemeteries Act 1958 Victoria), there is considerable maintenance required. Many of these cemeteries are now closed (full). It should be noted that a component of cremation fees subsides the ongoing maintenance cost of cemeteries.
So I guess in considering the environmental impact of burial, ongoing maintenance should be taken into consideration.
Cardboard v Timber Coffins or caskets
As funeral directors, we are constantly asked why don’t we use cardboard coffins?
Cardboard coffins are available. There is little difference in cost between cardboard and particle board and some funeral directors complain about the structural integrity of the cardboard coffins, when exposed to either moisture or refrigeration. Some crematoria have made comment that more fuel is required in the cremation process when using cardboard, where as a timber coffin aids in the cremation process.
Perhaps an alternative is the wicker coffin.
Hand woven, using renewable materials. These types of coffins are now readily available in Australia, albeit are imported from overseas.
Most coffins caskets have combustible (plastic) fittings, including, handles, name plates and crucifix. Some coffins still have metal fixtures. funeral directors have often been accused of reusing coffins and fittings, however in a highly regulated state likes ours (Victoria, Australia) it is simply not possible. However, most of our crematoriums here do actually remove the fixtures, not for reuse, but for environmental purposes. The fixtures are repurposed, but not reused. Interesting only the other day client asked me why they can’t be reused?
Vehicles and fuel efficiency
Most funeral vehicles are still petrol or diesel and to my knowledge no-one has yet moved to an environmental alternative.
Embalming and Body Preparation
There has been much written and said about the copious amounts of chemicals funeral directors use. Whilst it may make a great story, there is little evidence to support it. Basic body preparation requires little to no chemicals. The types of chemical used in basic preparation may equate to disinfection of the equipment. These chemicals are similar to what can be found in any household.
Full embalming does however use some speciality product, but the quantity is small. The types of chemicals varies considerably and more embalming fluid manufactures are taking into account OH&S and the environment in developing new products.
In Australia few companies embalm every body. Those companies that do embalm, do so for a reason, so before running out and deciding you don’t need embalming, talk to your funeral director first. The total amount of embalming fluid used is probably not that significant. Presently there is no other alternatives to embalming.
The Final Word
So, where does that leave the funeral industry and those that are wanting an environmental alternatives?
At this stage, you will probably have to make your own mind up about what you think is the best choices, but just be aware, that because a funeral service is marketed as “Environmental” doesn’t necessary mean it is.